Sunday, September 6, 2015

Don't Stop Prayin'

Ever since my journey of faith began, prayer has been one of the most difficult things for me to remember to do. I forget to pray. Sometimes I don’t even forget, I just don’t even think about it to begin with! Prayer is a completely conscious act for me. It doesn’t just come to me naturally but recently I learned a big lesson about forgetting to pray.

About this time last year, I was praying regularly. I was unhappy at my job and I was taking it home with me. I wasn’t a good partner to Zach. I was angry and short and irritated. When my unhappiness from carrying my job home with me began to affect our relationship, I knew it was time to make a decision. Something had to give and that was not going to be my relationship with Zach. I prayed. Every day I prayed, “Lord, where do you want me to go and what do you want me to do? Lead me.” Faithfully. Religiously. I prayed that prayer.

There’s a new type of freedom when you give up and give in to God that way. When you say “My answer isn’t good enough. I need to know Yours.” In all honesty, it felt good to take the pressure off of myself and put it onto God and it paid off. I felt completely led by Him to leave my job and after praying that prayer day in and day out, I did it. I left.

After leaving, the pieces of this new puzzle continued to fall into place. Everything was working out perfectly. I couldn’t believe what could happen when you just let God take the lead! I was amazed and so very thankful. I was so amazed that I forgot to keep praying. I forgot to keep praying for Him to lead me. I forgot to keep asking Him what he wanted to do, to make sure that I stayed on the path He was creating for me.

Then one day, months down the road, after I ignored all of the signs that my path needed intervention, I woke up and everything was falling apart. This didn’t happen overnight. It happened over months of not praying, not listening. I looked around and wondered how the hell I had gotten here? It hit me right in the face; because I stopped praying. I became complacent. I had prayed. I had gotten my answer. I had stopped praying
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Was winding up at this point really as simple as not praying? Yes. What if I had passed by other doors He was opening because I wasn’t listening to His gentle guidance? What if I had missed out on opportunities He had been laying out for me because I was too confident in my own self to pay attention?

So now I have to start over. Again. I left the job I was in. Again. I’m confident it was the right choice but I wish I had been listening sooner because who knows what He had been trying to tell me the entire time? So now I’m unemployed. I don’t have a set plan because I hadn’t been praying for one.

So here I am.

I spent my first day of unemployment the way one spends the first day of unemployment; with a three hour nap and a bottle of Moscato. There was also a little bit of Peach Schnapps involved but we won’t talk about that.

I called it a mental health day. I pretended that there weren’t bills that were going to need to be paid. I pretended the next month’s rent wasn’t quickly approaching. I pretended I had it all together and I wasn’t scared of this gigantic change in my life and lifestyle. I reminded myself of the moments leading up to my decision to leave my job. I reminded myself that this was the correct decision and that, above all, God would provide.


The rest, I am quite sure, will come into place. Of that I will be sure to pray. 

9 comments:

  1. There’s a new type of freedom when you give up and give in to God that way. When you say “My answer isn’t good enough. I need to know Yours.”

    That resonates so much with me!!! I'm so terrible at that but I'm becoming better. And I 100% support mental health days! They are so needed!

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    1. I've been struggling to figure out how to get my replies to work until now! I'm so glad you were able to relate to this post! Thank you!

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    1. I'm just figuring out how to get my replies to work :) He sure is. Thank you!

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  3. When we moved to California I had to leave a good paying job that I loved. I was okay with that because I was confident that I'd find another. Wrong! However, I've kept my faith that things are happening for a reason, and that only God has those answers right now. He'll let me know when He wants me to know. And you know what, things ARE working out. He hasn't let me fall.

    I'll tell you something that I used to tell the kids at my former job (as a children's minister). A prayer doesn't have to be this grand thing. You don't have to go to a quiet place and bow your head with your hands in front of your heart. It can be as easy as a conversation. Just remember to listen to!

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    1. I'm just figuring out how to get my replies to work :) THANK YOU! That was exactly what I needed to hear and that is something I so need to remember about them not needing to be grand things. Thank you.

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  4. I assume you intended this post title to be read to the tune of Don't Stop Believin'. Because I did.

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  5. I assume you intended this post title to be read to the tune of Don't Stop Believin'. Because I did.

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    1. I have been struggling to get my replies to work but figured it out! Yes, I absolutely intended that!

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